Last night, was chatting with CN, we talked about the kind of saddness arouse from parting... yes, when good friends part, when bosses leave, when we leave... especially...
In my opinion, it's all because we are human... and through interaction, no matter what, some kind of bond is formed once 2 persons come in contact... it could be just as thin as "yes, I know this person" to an extent that the other person's actions (and emotions) have an impact on us, that would stir up our emotions to react to it... it's very strange, isn't it? No wonder :D Ever heard about 人与人之间，关系是十分的微妙，奇妙。In fact, it's something beyond our control... no matter how strong we are... or I would say, how strong the front we want to put up in front of others. No matter what, we know ourselves best... right? We can be an Oscar actor... However, we are not able to betray ourselves.
Tears, yes, it's how we express our feeling... our ultimate, at that moment. I must emphasis, yes, it's the very moment ... Is tearing an expression of weakness? Yes and No... Yes, when one gives up, when one's lost, it's a signal calling for attention, for help... No, it's just how one feels about a happening, how one reacts, when one's emotion is triggered. 人，是有感情的“动物”。No matter what, no matter how "cold" we are, emotion is something we could not remove totally... though we can hide it... see, hide it... but it's clear to ourselves.
Shed tears... yes, saw that at the work place... tears of joy! When results released, there's always some emotional scenes in the hall... of course, there were also tears of disappointment. Well, my response is "cold" in such occasions... 'cos... I was never involved in those "O" level graduating classes, though almost every year, I own the "N" level results. In a way, I think it's something incomplete in my teaching journey these year... On the other hand, that's also why I'm always the coolest among all the HODs when it comes to day of result release and doing the analysis - yes, I had the clearest mind among all... no excitement, but to process the numbers and report.
When it comes to parting... the worst experience comes from leaving... ie. when I left, rather than when my students left... (when they graduate). The one that hit me worst was when I left East View when I completed my teaching practice. The cards and the wordings really sent my tears to my eyes... I managed to hold them till I reached home... and had a good cry over it... Yes, that was the first time I felt as if I lost part of my life! This was, for sure very different when we part after graduation from schools.
Of course, none is worst off than me leaving Ngee Ann for the first time... after rooted there for 10 years... it's really parting the place that has become part of my life... The last look before Zubaidah drove me off for the 1st time, and Guay Hwee the 2nd time ... I thought I was strong, but my eyes were filled with tears... that betrayed me... my voice betrayed me, too... I remembered how emotional I was when attended the performance at the Kallang Theatre - the Tapestry... when the school song was sang. That was the last time I sang it... (yes, I sang the school song at every assembly, just like any student)... Tears filled my eyes, too... But I think I wiped them quick enough and disguised well... no one noticed that (I thought).
The only time that I could not hold back was the farewell dinner in Paro. Then, I learnt, parting can be painful... yes, it was very very painful... Cried as the friends and colleagues sent their well wishes to me... I remember, I cried the whole night... probably I will not set foot to this place again? My eyes were still wet when I was in the plane the next morning... My eyes turned wet again when I read the emails when I reached home... It's really really painful... and very draining emotionally... It's the bond... the strong bond that was broken... Was I sad when I left home for Bhutan? Yes, I was... but I thought I managed well, I made the choice, and I promise myself that I will do well and I know, very sure, I'll return home... and yes, I treasure what I have at home even more since I came back... the bonding at home has strengthened since... That's part of growing.
Unfortunately, or fortunately... don't experience that nowadays... (of course, referring to work)... maybe I'm used to be a nomad now? But tears still filled my eyes... it's due to stress, I think... but more often than not, it's because I was angry and upset... when I felt wronged! when I felt being taken for granted, when I felt people around are insensitive... More often, those are tears of disappointment... sigh....
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