The Fear of Listening...

‘Why is it that we do not like to listen, or want to listen, or know how to listen?" (by Palmer Parker)
'We fear hearing something we don’t want to hear, something that might compel us to reflect on ourselves and, in consequence, change our hearts and minds and behaviours.
If we keep talking, not listening, we can define our own reality. Listening too carefully might end up confusing us, and we would rather live with clear falsehood’

These words shared by Johari, during the "EXCO meeting" (22 July 2009) simply hit the chord... Can't agree more than that.

It says, "We fear hearing something we don't want to hear"... Yes, by human nature, our ears are all for sweet words that we are comfortable with. Reality, often come in harsh words, are hard to swallow, sometimes. Similarly, those seemingly harmless words to one could be piercing through painfully to the others. Sometimes, what we tried to escape from just confront us.

Reflection

Really... no time to reflect... yes, day in day out...
Sadly, each time I reflect, it seemingly ties to unhappy encounters.
Unhappy because it's against what I value; I would say, it's against the rule of the game.
Yes... scary... life is not so simple... indeed, I hate the complexity of games.
"Gamers" are the real wolves!

Anger? Disappointment? Realisation!

Angry, angry, angry... no, upset, upset, upset? I think I was overwhelmed wby disappointment rather than anger. It appeared that it started off with anger... got slighted again? No, felt like a tight slap on my face. No, I didn't curse... cursing is not in my dictionary, not in my code of behaviour... definitely, not me! I may scream (yes, in my heart - so loud that it almost bursted!) and scold... but no crude words come out from my mouth (maybe, in my course of becoming a more refined human being, the function has been disabled so long that I couldn't even find the way to re-activate).

Anger was a reaction to exclusion! Ha... yes! It is, especially when it's something that's held dearly and close to my heart. The closer it is, the worst I feel! Had been treated like a fool before (yes, in one of the postings this year), but was never as angry... I would say, had never felt disappointed until this happened! It's the first time I was so angry that I (first time) experienced not even able to utter a sound! Yes, physcially, the sound component has been disabled for more than half an hour! My face must have looked extremely ugly! I guess, I was fuming mad! Terribly mad! I guess my blood pressure in that half an hour must have shot up sky high! But fortunately my physcial self was strong enough to hold it. Yes, that's my strength! Being able to absorb and absorb... of course, it's also my ultimate weakness! Bottoming up... till the day comes... really, dare not to imagine!

Maybe, what CN has anticipated (er... predicted) is coming true! OK, have I been blinded by my good nature? I believe so! Am I'm going to suffer from the seeds I sown? Oh no! But, I think it's also a good wakening call! Yes, am glad! else, I would unknowingly slowly boil myself to death!

Yes... look at me! How I've changed over the months? Hey, had I become a hypocrate? Well, I uphold integrity! Looking back, my emotions had played me out - my judgements, no my misjudgements! my blindness, yes, my total blindness and become so myopic. No, no... I'm not declaring war, but am going through some kind of deep reflection...

Yes, shan't I be glad that I just discovered what went wrong? Alright, back to square one; probably minus my emotions?!

I think I can do that...

O$P$

Well, well, this 4 characters O$P$ appears on the lift's door 2 days ago.

Guess what's my first reaction? Ha! Programming language!? It took me a while to figure out "Owe $ Pay $"... so, it's the work of the loan sharks? Creative use of language! So much abbreviated (er... all professionals progress with time!)

The Ordeal (29 May - 11 July 2009)

29 May 2009, 5.45 pm @ Boon Lay MRT Station - received a call from mum

"Your dad has fainted, waiting for the ambulance. Going to the hospital soon. Come to the hospital direct."

SMSes tell...

• Me to YK: At hospital already. Doc doing checking. Will let u know when there's update.
• YK to Me: OK. Can he talk? Is any of his limbs immobilised?
• Me to YK: Don't know yet. Still checking. Not gotten the chance to ask doc. Mum inside the waiting area. Only 1 visitor allowed.
• YK to Me: Ok
• Me to YH: Just to let u know, dad has been admitted to Changi hospital. I'm with mum. U cook dinner yourself. Will let u know after doc has checked.
• YH to Me: Yes. A neighbour just told me that our father has fainted and mother taken to hospital. I have finished my dinner. Thanks.
• Me to YH & YK: Update: According to doc, generally he looks ok, no symptom of stroke. However scan shows a brain blood vessel bursted. Cld be due to overly high blood pressure or some swell. They asking neurosurgeon to come & chk
• YH to Me: OK. Thanks for ur information about our dad. Hope that he feels very well.
• YK to Me: Phew! Pls share with me your observation after you see him. Thanks.
• Me to YK: Noted.
• Me to YH & YK: Saw dad, in a daze. Neurosurgeon commented there's fluid & blood in head. Need surgery to remove. 5% danger if infection. If don't operate, wld become dangerous. Mum signed doc already. Doc will chk further to see if he cld proceed for surgery.
• YH to Me: OK. Shocked that dad is very weak and daze. Hope to better operate. Do you know brother about dad?

30 May 2009:

• Me to YK: For info, dad looks ok... He wasn't aware went thro' op. Anyway, mum explained to him. She is keeping him company. Still in the surgical ICU. Ward 33 Bed 12A.
• YK to Me: OK. Thanks.
• Me to YH: You at home? We are buying dinner home.
• YH to Me: Yes. I am at home. OK.

31 May 2009:

• Me to YK: U on the way home?
• YK to Me: Yes.
• Me to YK: In S'pore?
• YK to Me: Anything?
• YK to Me: Eta 6 pm
• Me to YK: No lah...
• Me to YK: Ok... We r at hospital reception area.
• YK to Me: I will go there directly after i clear custom.. Ard 6.
• Me to YK: OK. We'll meet u at the hospital.
• YK to Me: K.
• YK to Me: Cleared custom. Will reach at 7.
• Me to YK: OK.

1 June 2009:

• Me to YH: We are coming home first then see dad.
• YH to Me: I am on the way by my colleague car to my home now
• Me to YH: OK. Mum & I in brother's car, on the way home. We come home then go to see dad together.
• YK to Me: We wait for u at the foodcourt.
• Me to YK: ok
• YK to Me: Call me when coming down. The foodcourt is closing.
• Me to YK: OK
• Me to YK: Am coming down...

2 June 2009:

• YH to Me: I'm back at home after 7 pm and also dinner at home.
• Me to YH: OK.
• Me to YH & YK: Father is now at woard 26 Bed 19 Level 6 - lift B

6 June 2009:

• YK to Me: We go hospital at 8am tomorrow? best timing to catch doctor.
• Me to YK: OK, u come to pick us up.
• YK to Me: OK. I call u when reach.

7 June 2009:

• Me to YH: U still at home? Want us to get lunch for you?
• YH to Me: Yes. I am at home now. Ok. U'll buy for lunch me?
• Me to YH: ok
• YH to Me: Are u still way to home? I am hungry now.

8 June 2009:

• Me to YK: Just to let you know, we r downstairs.
• YK to Me: Me still at the 3rd floor waiting area.
• Me to YH: Just to let you know, dad has been transferred to the ICU again (Ward 33, Bed 15), because of lung infection.
• YH to Me: OK. Thanks. I'll be there tonight.
• Me to YH: OK
• Me to YH: Brother has gone back to rest. He has left the visitor pass with me. U sms me when here. I'll bring the pass down.
• YH to Me: I'm reaching there about 6.30 pm. See u later. Ok.
• Me to YH: OK
• Me to YH: After you registered, come to food court where we had lunch that afternoon. Mum & me at the foodcourt.
• YH to Me: Is mum at home for cooking dinner tonight. If she is not.

9 June 2009:

• YK to Me: What time r u going to the hospital?
• Me to YK: U on the way here?
• YK to Me: Yes. 10 min.
• Me to YK: OK
• Me to YH: She's not cooking. We are still at hospital. U want to eat outside? Father's condition is stable.
• YH to Me: Ok. No plm. Thanks. I'll going to hospital there later.
• Me to YH: Ok
• YH to Me: Is dad same ward 33 bed 15?
• Me to YH: Yes, same place.
• YH to Me: I am in food court. Where are they now?
• Me to YH: U eat first. We r upstairs at level 3 lobby.
• Me to YH: After eating, you can get the pass. There is 1 more pass at counter.
• YH to Me: I just here level 3. Where are you now?

13 June 2009:

• YH to Me: I am going out for my own lunch now
• Me to YH: Father has moved to Ward 39 Bed 11
• YH to Me: Ok. Thank u.
• Me to YK: Hi, mum & me go home first. Dad sleeping soundly :D Ward 39, Bed 11
• YK to Me: Good. Thanks.

15 June 2009:

• YH to Me: I am going to dad in hospital now.
• Me to YH: OK
• Me to YH: I went this afternoon already. Am on my way home after some shopping.
• YH to Me: Ok. I am going to hospital and get register for visitor pass later. Is mum still around?
• YH to Me: Is mother cooking at home tonight?
• Me to YH: Yes
• YK to Me: U at the hospital?

16 June 2009:

• YK to Me: Fatther has been transferred to ward 25 bed 27
• Me to YK: Noted. U at hospital? Am quite exhausted. Not going this evening.
• YK to Me: Me went there this pm. Will go again if I finish my work early.
• Me to YK: OK. Am on leave tomorrow. Will go then.

17 June 2009:

• YH to Me: Is dad still in hospital now?
• Me to YH: Yes. He's in new ward. Ward 25, Bed 27. Went to see him this afternoon. Think brother going tonight.
• YH to Me: Ok. I am going to dad in hospital now.
• Me to YH: Ok. We are cooking dinner.

18 June 2009:

• YK to Me: Have U applied for the maid lesson?
• Me to YK: Applied for Singpass yesterday.
• Me to YK: Where r u? At hospital?
• YK to Me: OK.
• YK to Me: Just left hospital. Now at the maid agency at eastpoint.
• Me to YK: Everything should be ready by end next wk. In shuttle to hospital.
• YK to Me: Ok. Me now selecting a maid who seems to be too good to be true.
• Me to YK: Haha...
• Me to YK: Want me to hop by. M done :D

19 June 2009:

• YK to Me: U coming to hospital?
• Me to YK: Yes. Waiting for shuttle now
• YK to Me: K. Call me when u reach. I pass the pass to u.
• Me to YK: OK

23 June 2009:

• Me to YK: U saw dad today already? Just reached hospital. He's sleeping quite soundly.
• YK to Me: Ya. Seems to be good. Can check w staff nurse - Jasmine how is his test today
• YK to Me: Did u manage to find out anything from the nurse?
• Me to YK: Another nurse updated tt he'll still tube feed, but can introduce thickened fluid. Today he walked along the corridor without any supporting equipm., with the OT & PT beside him. Tomorrow 3.30 pm mum will be there to learn how to bathe him.

27 June 2009:

• Me to YK: FYI, speech therapist called after scan. said dad could eat already. Mum had cooked porridge :D As usu, We r at hospital now.
• YK to Me: Great. Will see him tonight.
• Me to YK: OK

29 June 2009:

• Me to YK: U coming over to hospital tonight?
• YK to Me: On e way.
• Me to YK: Dad at St Andrew Bed 814
• YK to Me: K.

3 July 2009:

• YK to Me: R u visiting dad?
• Me to YK: No. On my way home.
• YK to Me: K.
• Me to YK: Today's a bit late. U there?
• YK to Me: No. On my way.

10 July 2009: Finally, discharged from hospital.

Early Bird Twittering...

What am I doing under the tree? Hahaha... Indulged in tweeting and tweeting... OK, first time performing the role of "Twittering on the Move" for the Parents' Seminar yesterday morning. Pretty exciting... to provide 'live' updates throughout the session, one after another non-stop. Thanks to mobile technology!

It's been the "IN" thing in the school these few weeks, since the Open House when we find a differentiator, alternative means to reach out to our potential students!

Actually, twittering has not really made a big wave in Singapore yet, that's my sense. It was first mentioned in the Straits Times earlier this year when there's warm reactions on its potential to replace blogging. Well, well, I was sceptical then... till now, I'm quite sure, it can't replace blogs!!! However, we've discovered another new tool, new means to engage learners - in both formal and informal contexts...

Thanks to Adrian who showed us how to do the tagging for tweets! Well, it has enlarged its potential for T&L!

Cheers!

Using the MacBook

These couple of days, the staff room is filled with lots of excitement! All because of the arrival of the long-awaited Macbooks. Yes, we have been waiting and waiting, to be exact, exactly for 6 months before the first batch of school devices arrived!

Lots of talks & tweets about the Macbooks. About getting the accessories. About discovering new features... especially for those of us who are really new to it.... 4 fingers sweep, 3 fingers wipe, 2 fingers click and 1 finger move... hahaha... lots of things to learn... no, should say the fingers now get busier... more comments to remember!

This is the very first blog post created using the Macbook. Ha!

Well, well... like the keyboard, very soft... but my Fujitsu tablet's is equally comfortable to the fingers :D Well, both have their own plus and minus.

OK... that much for the time being... more time to explore, to continue to be excited... Bought a few books (oh yes, am a digital Immigrant). So? refer to the book while exploring... well, quite sure these books will have more 'air' time :D

Cheers!

Duck eggs

Had an interesting chat with the cab driver, Mr Ali, on my way home (after half-a-day of shopping when I was loaded with bags of goodies - books and food... ).

He was sharing about how he would take time off to return to Tenggaru, where his dad gave him a piece of land that's about 30 hectares! Wah! 30 hectares??? How much do we have for the school's permanent site? er... that miserable 3 hectares!!! He spoke about having an area where the family rears ducks. Then he went on... oh, I learn something new! Hahah... Ducks lay eggs twice a day. After feeding, they lay eggs and immediately will go for a swim... each time they lay one egg. Then the cycle repeats... they eat again and lay eggs again... and at night, they rest near the pond!

Yes, duck eggs is the choice for "salted" eggs - a delicacy of the locals (er... Southeast Asians?). He explained that duck eggs come with a not so pleasant smell and therefore people don't consume them like chicken eggs... asked him about the 'black coat' that comes with all duck eggs. So, that's soil mixed with salt and charcoal to prevent the eggs from exposure to air, he enlightened.

Though tired, the 20-odd minute journey seems so short :D