adjective, -er, -est.
1. of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person: a kind and loving person.
2. having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence: kind words.
3. indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (often fol. by to): to be kind to animals.
4. mild; gentle; clement: kind weather.
5. British Dialect. loving; affectionate.
Recently, Someone commented "... people's reaction when they are faced with the inconvenience... start to criticize. They inevitably start to form the impression or jump into conclusion that things have not been properly thought through or that certain actions were insensitive etc.... will be more understanding, more appreciative and less critical. On our part, we can also be less defensive..."
This was the concluding comment that closed the episode of the discussion, I hope. I guess, Someone thought that some of us are not kind enough to each other, not being understanding. Oh, maybe, to be more direct, that I'm not being kind to Someone?
These words still hanging in my head though first came across that almost a week ago. The first question: Someone thinks that I'm not kind enough because I was trying to provide justifications and the rationale behind certain actions, and I (must have?) sounded defensive? My reaction - Someone indeed was trying to defend own's action and taking opportunity to defend, or to turn the table around (again)?
In the first place, who and what started off this whole series of dialogues? Of course, it's not a one-off trigger. To go through the historical archives (ah! yes, I archive things pretty well though sometimes not able to retrieve so quickly), it all started off with Someone's insensitive comment(?) (I think, blame could be even a better word. Ok! I shall be kind here) on someone-else being capable of "magical" touch. To-date, I still could not make out how could such illogical comment came from Someone! Be kind! That's my basic principle - such comment came about could be because of stress... So, cool down! Of course, I'm not sure if Someone was aware that such remark was unreasonable and could hurt. While Someone asked others to be kind, was Someone aware what's said was unkind? Someone-else was a convenient scapegoat? It hurts the relationship - The trust, understanding that build the inter-personal relationship over time. Someone's emotional bank account immediately went zero! (Stephen Covey's 7 Habits - Interdependence).
Taking for granted of someone-else's accommodating nature - Is that an act of kindness? I wonder. Sure, someone-else got to be blamed - for not able to think through thoroughly what's the desireable minimum expectation and assumed the deposits in the emotional account (with others) would help someone-else to overcome the short-term inconvenience. On the other hand, Someone was also very "clever" to offer "options" that were neither desireable nor workable -in the name of kindness. Would anyone with a clear mind regard such act of taking for granted as a act of kindness? I wonder.
Have been kind to Someone once. The second occurance showed that Someone needs help to point out the impact of such "act of kindness". I guess presenting the picture (including the reaction and impact) would help Someone to reflect.
The comments (in blue) really reflects the Someone's thinking, which I really could not make out - fortunate or unfortunate.
- "Fortunate" because such comments could not come without putting any effort to analyse and put together the potential causes of the unpleasant experience.
- "Unfortunate" because Someone did not take ownership of someone's words and action - Clearly, in Someone's view - someone has nothing to do with these unpleasant experiences - all these were a result of others' reactions. Sad?
So, am I being defensive? Or am I just presenting facts?
So, how to draw a line being objective and defensive? Sigh...
No comments:
Post a Comment