Angry, angry, angry... no, upset, upset, upset? I think I was overwhelmed wby disappointment rather than anger. It appeared that it started off with anger... got slighted again? No, felt like a tight slap on my face. No, I didn't curse... cursing is not in my dictionary, not in my code of behaviour... definitely, not me! I may scream (yes, in my heart - so loud that it almost bursted!) and scold... but no crude words come out from my mouth (maybe, in my course of becoming a more refined human being, the function has been disabled so long that I couldn't even find the way to re-activate).
Anger was a reaction to exclusion! Ha... yes! It is, especially when it's something that's held dearly and close to my heart. The closer it is, the worst I feel! Had been treated like a fool before (yes, in one of the postings this year), but was never as angry... I would say, had never felt disappointed until this happened! It's the first time I was so angry that I (first time) experienced not even able to utter a sound! Yes, physcially, the sound component has been disabled for more than half an hour! My face must have looked extremely ugly! I guess, I was fuming mad! Terribly mad! I guess my blood pressure in that half an hour must have shot up sky high! But fortunately my physcial self was strong enough to hold it. Yes, that's my strength! Being able to absorb and absorb... of course, it's also my ultimate weakness! Bottoming up... till the day comes... really, dare not to imagine!
Maybe, what CN has anticipated (er... predicted) is coming true! OK, have I been blinded by my good nature? I believe so! Am I'm going to suffer from the seeds I sown? Oh no! But, I think it's also a good wakening call! Yes, am glad! else, I would unknowingly slowly boil myself to death!
Yes... look at me! How I've changed over the months? Hey, had I become a hypocrate? Well, I uphold integrity! Looking back, my emotions had played me out - my judgements, no my misjudgements! my blindness, yes, my total blindness and become so myopic. No, no... I'm not declaring war, but am going through some kind of deep reflection...
Yes, shan't I be glad that I just discovered what went wrong? Alright, back to square one; probably minus my emotions?!
I think I can do that...
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