1. Start with a big bowl of selflessness: Put your sweetheart's well-being above your own. Consider his/her feelings, be it in everyday matters such as where to eat or what movie to watch, or in major decisions such as buying a big-ticket item or making a career move. It won't always be easy, but practice makes perfect.
This is the same when working in a team - be it we are the appointed leader or the member - all of us are a leader in our own way. We have our own ideas and our way of getting things done and interacting with others... however, we often forget that the team is made up of very different individuals who might not think and act along the same train of thoughts. We tend to make assumptions and take it that they are aware of where we are coming from and why we take certain actions, and neglect informing each other the purpose and seemingly small and unrelated decisions which could lead to miscommunications, creating information gaps which normally leads to misunderstanding! It is important to be sensitive and to consider the feelings of our team members. So, just keep in mind of the members in the team - no matter what, when it comes it working in projects involving external parties, no one else is closer and more important to us than our very own team members. We either foster and strength this delicate relationship or we careless break this relationship through negligence...2. Pour in a cupful of patience: Recognise that no matter how compatible you two may be, you are still unique individuals with different views and temperaments. Don't try to change him/her. Focus on what makes you love him/her. Listen to and understand his/her perspective. Avoid personal attacks and finger-pointing. Above all, know that you can't always have it your way, so give and take with a smile.
As mentioned earlier on, each individual has their own way of thinking (mindset) and doing things... shaped over the years and it's not easy to change. Nevertheless, it's not impossible to change - nevertheless, we would not expect one to change his/her views, thinking and the way one works totally (overnight!). However, it doesn't mean we won't expect others to remain status quo while we tried to fit into that mould! I guess, both parties need to make their move... however, that definitely needs one party to initiate the change first... putting forth the first step. To do that, the best way is to listen and understand his/her perspective and analyse the situation as a whole, in an objective manner! Often, it takes the braver person the courage to take steps to change in order to trigger a change in the party.
Remember, the important word is to listen. Often, we only manage to get the other party to hear. To ensure the other party to listen, it involves engaging him/her in the conversation as he/she listens. Came across this in recent meetings - when a message is articulated for all to remember - while the rest of us listen attentively, the intended audience was busily communicating to external parties... the 'hm..' and 'oor....' uttered were just indications of hearing, not listening... These are tell-tale signs and are evident when the "do not do"s start to happen again...
3. Add a dash of humility: Don't let your pride have the last say. Be humble and accept that your sweetheart may sometimes have a better idea than you. If you are wrong, say sorry. He/She will have you more for that. Recognise that you are not without your flaws.
This is a good reminder... Be humble. Come across, in the recent months that there are really people who have forgotten this word! Oh yes, it seems creating the impression that some come from 1st world while the rest are from 3rd world countries? Hahaha! A frog living in one well thinks his/her well is better than the other... hm...
4. Stir in a spoonful of kindness: Kindness is underrated, especially for couples who have been married for a while. Don't let it be that way. If you can be courteous to strangers on the street, surely you can be extra nice to the person you love. Say "Thank You", "Excuse me" and "Please" generously.
Not matter big or small, words like "Thank You", "Appreciate" is an expression of gratefulness. Though one school of thought says within a closely-knitted community, such words are redundant as people will know the unspoken gratitude. Nevertheless, when it's unsaid and as times go by, there's also the danger of getting things for granted and all acts of kindness become a "given" or "expectation"! Words like "Thank You" strengthens bonds and whipped up reminders to each other that, we really appreciate your presence (and because of your presence, that's why we experience these acts of kindness).
5. Sprinkle a palmful of graciousness: Don't be over-calculative with time and money. It is healthy to spend alone time with one's own friends and on one's own activities on a regular basis. When it comes to expenditure, work out a budget of what is a comfortable amount to spend on little individuals luxuries and how often. Then allow each other the leeway to do so without interfering.
I guess, at work, it's more like... don't be over-calculative with the amount of time and effort needed to put in to complete a good piece of work... also, not to be over-calculative on who's KPI it is? Well, officially, on paper, it might look good - having achieve the target set - Nevertheless, always remember, it's teamwork that realise the dream - if one thinks oneself works hard, there are others who work equally hard too... Is one's inputs/contributions to the organisation only 'counted' by the number of KPIs reflected in his/her work review form? Am quite sure that good and smart leaders don't just see if one owns the KPI, but takes into account how one participated in bringing success to the task and project!
6. Dribble a generous amout of couple time: Spend alone-time together on a regular basis, be it half-an-hour breakfasts at the coffee shop before work or dinner dates once a month. Celebrate special occasions that are unique to the two of you, such as the anniversary of your first date, first kiss, ROM, wedding.
Agree, spending good time fostering bonding in the team helps! Hm... maybe breakfasts or lunches, and even fieldtrips! Activities outside the office or all-familiar environment helps!
7. Throw in some slices of level-headedness: Arguments are bound to happen but don't say spiteful things you might regret. If both of you are fuming, agree to cool off before confronting the issue again. If the issue cannot be resolved just yet, call a truce and agree to problem-solving again soon. Agreeing to disagree is a win-win solution. Most importantly, don't go to bed angry and let your ill feelings fester.
Keep cool! The golden rule when working as a team.... especially in the early days when we are still trying to figure out the "intent" and "agenda" over certain actions and behaviours of one another... It's takes all to be open and frank, however, express one's views in a tactful manner. Often we forget that we could be subjective and bias while we thought we were discussing the matter in a very objective way! Beware of our very own blindspots! Always do a check! An inner self-conversation helps alot!
8. Spice things up with surprises galore: Put a smile on your sweetheart's face. Perk up his/her day with a lovingly-prepared meal. Sneak love notes into his/her briefcase/handbag. Send your beloved cheeky SMSes of love during the work day. The possibilities are endless.
9. Top it all with dollops of passion: Cuddle, hug, kiss, hold hands, rub noses, exchange sweet nothings. Remind your sweetheart through actions that you love him/her very much. It will be well reciprocated and appreciated.
For both #8 & #9: No kissing, please! hahaha... Well, what's culturally natural in another society or context may not be appropriate in any context! Hugging is not the "cup of tea" of everyone (at least, I'm not of those hugging creatures, excuse me... if I do, it's more for politeness, to reciprocate to the act)... Maybe a little handwritten note, a note of thank you and appreciate would really delight one's day!
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