That Seat...

The layout of the furniture has never changed... at least since I joined the section. Whenever there's a meeting, we all know, it's there! It's the place where meetings take place. We all know. It's where you would, in some occasions, see the entire section there, and most of the time, chaired by @@@

Still remember the very first meeting I attended... it left an impression because there's where I saw some fiery exchange - not really fiery exchange, but could feel the heat 'blowing' from %%% towards @@@, yet was a bit puzzled why... as the reaction from @@@ was unbelieveably tolerating... I just wonder... what kind of strange make-up in this section, at that time... I thought, it's really a bit of tolerance will help to lighten the tense atmosphere...

There wasn't much for me to cross path with %%% but had never find %%% friendly... at least towards me... maybe %%% expected me to make the first move since %%% was pretty 'senior' there, in terms of the number of years at level 14... No, why should I? Don't feel the need, anyway... but never expect the blust at the end of the year... maybe I was over optimistic? and have ignored any inference? maybe I had been 'made use' by??? Anyway, it simply turned sour overnight! Fortunately, it only left a few months to go then... It did not rather matter (at least I felt)... Hm... to some extent, perhaps I've been just the scapegoat of emotional outpour! Hm...

Then towards the 2nd half of same year, something caught my attention... ### had somehow gave up the fighting spirit which I saw at the beginning of the year, not even repeating the same old phrase "This is historical"... it's simply a sign of having given up... I just wonder... so, you're counting your days? I thought... Of course, anyway to see it is... "enough is enough..." and "I've given enough inputs... and I know the outcome is going to be like this... what for wasting energy... Just tell me what you want" To sum up, I think, "I'm tired already..."

This is very sad isn't it... from then onwards, what I saw at the seat (yes, there's where ### would normally sit) - is a quiet figure - waiting for time to pass - and just sitting down there to see how the show went...

I think, it's really a matter of time, when one has been 'scrubbed' enough... Yes, I use the word "scrub" because to a large extent... after all the 'scratches' received over months, there isn't much left... The once high fighting spirit is gone... no point arguing... the same old tune sings... keep repeating while the audience changed over time... felt that it's really testing our peserverance, at times... to see who at that table could last longer...

That day, during the meeting, realised I was sitting at that seat... yes, I could feel it now... perhaps that's the 'shoe'... yes, I could empathsize... the predecessors... and I could still empathsize those who are going to fill that seat as the years to come... The moment when one could feel already wearing that shoe, yes, it's painful enough... then it's a matter of how much longer before the pain ends...


Hm... till now, though there are occasional laughters at the corner... hm... have yet heard a 'uplifting' tone that changes the atmosphere it holds... hm... will there be a day when we could hear uplifting, genuine sweetness in the tones and feelings in the air???