渐渐的。。。陌生了。。。

那天，受邀回到以前就职的学校的校庆晚会。喜悦。因为自离开后，这还是头一次受到邀请。当然，突然觉得“义安”好有人情味哦！突然，所有往日的情怀，也一一的重现。也许，是新领导，新作风吧！

起初踏入校园时，有一种回家的感觉。那种亲切，那种心情，是无法掩饰的。

可是，那只是“起初”。

当我接近到新的班底时，突然，面向我的，是，“冷”这个字。
尤其是那两张面孔。那两张（友人描述的：）“见风使舵”，“见人说人话”，只会对“上面的人”奉承的面孔吧！哈！终于让我体验到作“目中无人”里面的那个“人”了！感觉，可怕吧！同时，也感觉到丝丝的失望吧！

顿时，感觉这个地方已经变了。突然领悟到，我已经不属于这里了。也许，是我还没有完完全全地连根拔起的缘故吧！

其实，几乎整个校舍经装修，重建后，已经面目全非。昔日那种风貌，已经没了。同时，许多同事也离开了。。。见到目前还在那里任职了，也不过那十几位。。。有好些，也是在等退休日的到临。

值得一提的是，再见昔日的同事时，仍是那种熟悉，那种熟络仍在。是值得庆幸的。当然，重点，就是叙旧了！

后感：
把我们联系着的，已经不是“义安”。也就是说，回不回去，已经不重要了。
把我们联系着的，是“人情”，是经过时间，在同一个空间里建筑的“友情”。

Happy 16th Anniversary

Has been wondering... how come "22 March" sounds so familiar...
Ah! before the clock strikes 12 midnight, I remember!!!
Yes, it's our 16th NIE anniversary!!! Wah! Time flies!
So, I'm into my 16th year of service? That long? Time passes swiftly!

Last November, we just met... and yesterday, saw Tow Yi's commentary on the movie "Departure" in the Straits Times, Life! Ha! The tone still sound so familiar!

http://lohky01.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-been-15-years.html

Recipe for Romance... aka Recipe for Work Harmony & Synergy

Was reading this newsletter by Marriage Central (http://www.marriagecentral.sg/)... The last page listed down 9 things in a "Recipe for Romance"... At a second look, hey, in fact some of them applies, not just to couples, but also towards a more harmonious working relationship with fellow colleagues, especially we have just gone through, as a team, one of the big events these few days (see orange text for those that I borrow from the original recipe):

1. Start with a big bowl of selflessness: Put your sweetheart's well-being above your own. Consider his/her feelings, be it in everyday matters such as where to eat or what movie to watch, or in major decisions such as buying a big-ticket item or making a career move. It won't always be easy, but practice makes perfect.

This is the same when working in a team - be it we are the appointed leader or the member - all of us are a leader in our own way. We have our own ideas and our way of getting things done and interacting with others... however, we often forget that the team is made up of very different individuals who might not think and act along the same train of thoughts. We tend to make assumptions and take it that they are aware of where we are coming from and why we take certain actions, and neglect informing each other the purpose and seemingly small and unrelated decisions which could lead to miscommunications, creating information gaps which normally leads to misunderstanding! It is important to be sensitive and to consider the feelings of our team members. So, just keep in mind of the members in the team - no matter what, when it comes it working in projects involving external parties, no one else is closer and more important to us than our very own team members. We either foster and strength this delicate relationship or we careless break this relationship through negligence...

2. Pour in a cupful of patience: Recognise that no matter how compatible you two may be, you are still unique individuals with different views and temperaments. Don't try to change him/her. Focus on what makes you love him/her. Listen to and understand his/her perspective. Avoid personal attacks and finger-pointing. Above all, know that you can't always have it your way, so give and take with a smile.

As mentioned earlier on, each individual has their own way of thinking (mindset) and doing things... shaped over the years and it's not easy to change. Nevertheless, it's not impossible to change - nevertheless, we would not expect one to change his/her views, thinking and the way one works totally (overnight!). However, it doesn't mean we won't expect others to remain status quo while we tried to fit into that mould! I guess, both parties need to make their move... however, that definitely needs one party to initiate the change first... putting forth the first step. To do that, the best way is to listen and understand his/her perspective and analyse the situation as a whole, in an objective manner! Often, it takes the braver person the courage to take steps to change in order to trigger a change in the party.

Remember, the important word is to listen. Often, we only manage to get the other party to hear. To ensure the other party to listen, it involves engaging him/her in the conversation as he/she listens. Came across this in recent meetings - when a message is articulated for all to remember - while the rest of us listen attentively, the intended audience was busily communicating to external parties... the 'hm..' and 'oor....' uttered were just indications of hearing, not listening... These are tell-tale signs and are evident when the "do not do"s start to happen again...

3. Add a dash of humility: Don't let your pride have the last say. Be humble and accept that your sweetheart may sometimes have a better idea than you. If you are wrong, say sorry. He/She will have you more for that. Recognise that you are not without your flaws.

This is a good reminder... Be humble. Come across, in the recent months that there are really people who have forgotten this word! Oh yes, it seems creating the impression that some come from 1st world while the rest are from 3rd world countries? Hahaha! A frog living in one well thinks his/her well is better than the other... hm...

4. Stir in a spoonful of kindness: Kindness is underrated, especially for couples who have been married for a while. Don't let it be that way. If you can be courteous to strangers on the street, surely you can be extra nice to the person you love. Say "Thank You", "Excuse me" and "Please" generously.

Not matter big or small, words like "Thank You", "Appreciate" is an expression of gratefulness. Though one school of thought says within a closely-knitted community, such words are redundant as people will know the unspoken gratitude. Nevertheless, when it's unsaid and as times go by, there's also the danger of getting things for granted and all acts of kindness become a "given" or "expectation"! Words like "Thank You" strengthens bonds and whipped up reminders to each other that, we really appreciate your presence (and because of your presence, that's why we experience these acts of kindness).

5. Sprinkle a palmful of graciousness: Don't be over-calculative with time and money. It is healthy to spend alone time with one's own friends and on one's own activities on a regular basis. When it comes to expenditure, work out a budget of what is a comfortable amount to spend on little individuals luxuries and how often. Then allow each other the leeway to do so without interfering.

I guess, at work, it's more like... don't be over-calculative with the amount of time and effort needed to put in to complete a good piece of work... also, not to be over-calculative on who's KPI it is? Well, officially, on paper, it might look good - having achieve the target set - Nevertheless, always remember, it's teamwork that realise the dream - if one thinks oneself works hard, there are others who work equally hard too... Is one's inputs/contributions to the organisation only 'counted' by the number of KPIs reflected in his/her work review form? Am quite sure that good and smart leaders don't just see if one owns the KPI, but takes into account how one participated in bringing success to the task and project!

6. Dribble a generous amout of couple time: Spend alone-time together on a regular basis, be it half-an-hour breakfasts at the coffee shop before work or dinner dates once a month. Celebrate special occasions that are unique to the two of you, such as the anniversary of your first date, first kiss, ROM, wedding.

Agree, spending good time fostering bonding in the team helps! Hm... maybe breakfasts or lunches, and even fieldtrips! Activities outside the office or all-familiar environment helps!

7. Throw in some slices of level-headedness: Arguments are bound to happen but don't say spiteful things you might regret. If both of you are fuming, agree to cool off before confronting the issue again. If the issue cannot be resolved just yet, call a truce and agree to problem-solving again soon. Agreeing to disagree is a win-win solution. Most importantly, don't go to bed angry and let your ill feelings fester.

Keep cool! The golden rule when working as a team.... especially in the early days when we are still trying to figure out the "intent" and "agenda" over certain actions and behaviours of one another... It's takes all to be open and frank, however, express one's views in a tactful manner. Often we forget that we could be subjective and bias while we thought we were discussing the matter in a very objective way! Beware of our very own blindspots! Always do a check! An inner self-conversation helps alot!

8. Spice things up with surprises galore: Put a smile on your sweetheart's face. Perk up his/her day with a lovingly-prepared meal. Sneak love notes into his/her briefcase/handbag. Send your beloved cheeky SMSes of love during the work day. The possibilities are endless.

9. Top it all with dollops of passion: Cuddle, hug, kiss, hold hands, rub noses, exchange sweet nothings. Remind your sweetheart through actions that you love him/her very much. It will be well reciprocated and appreciated.

For both #8 & #9: No kissing, please! hahaha... Well, what's culturally natural in another society or context may not be appropriate in any context! Hugging is not the "cup of tea" of everyone (at least, I'm not of those hugging creatures, excuse me... if I do, it's more for politeness, to reciprocate to the act)... Maybe a little handwritten note, a note of thank you and appreciate would really delight one's day!

笨蛋。。。

有时，觉得自己真的很笨。不是吗？花了这么多的时间，去应他人的要求，给予他人意见，建议（甚至把自己该做的事搁在一旁）。结果，别人看都不看。失望！不明！

啊！我突然如梦初醒：

• 原来，那只是象征性的去“采”他人的意见，建议；只是让所有的人知道有这步骤的存在罢了！It's just an exercise! It's for show?! 当事人并没说去“取，纳”那些建议。其实是不必去理会他人的建议。反正自己的看法，自己篇排的方程式还是最好的！唉！
• 如果是这样的话，那是既不利人，又不利己的愚蠢做法。因为，有谁还要作第二次的笨蛋？

那，是我自己一相情愿的付出？也许，是自己过于执著吧！出发点，总是想着，能帮就帮；反正，自己拥有的“经验”是“免费”的。能够“雪中送炭”或“锦上添花”，有利无弊，又何乐而不为呢？何况，大家都坐在同一艘船。唉！

好了，下次，要记得提醒自己，当某人又作“象征”性的“采纳”时，还是省省事吧！

嗨！你回家了！

今早，在车上往上车的人潮一望。夷？那是张熟悉的面孔！是的，是位已经退了休的旧同事。他，一家迁往澳洲，也快三年了吧！刚在去年底回国。目前偶尔还是从事跟教育有关的事项。而且还正在修读旅游课程，有望一天可成为自己国家的向导。

在言谈中，不难发现，他十分的享受当地的生活。悠哉闲哉的。没有时间的约束。这么写意的生活，是在这里只能望梅止渴的事。

虽说有不少亲朋戚友都住在澳洲，可是，当问到什么时候又会离开祖国时，他的答复是。。。该是十月吧！不过到时再想想吧！

在想想，毕竟也算是离乡背井吧！也许，还是“家”好。

我认识某某人。。。

当某人提到，“我认识“某某”人。。。”
我们的反应是？哇！你交游广大，政坛人物，要职高官都认识！不得了！！！
这是让旁人极为羡慕的吧！

可是，当我们“静”下来想想，此“认识”，与“彼”（也就是我们所理解的）“认识”- 是相同的的吗？

相信要看情况而定吧！而且也得看各人对“认识”有多认识！

根据 “汉典”【zdic.net 漢 典 网】： 认识 被解为。。。
(1).能够确定某一人或事物是这个人或事物而不是别的。
(2).指人的头脑对客观世界的反映。 毛泽东 《人的正确思想是从那里来的？》：“一个正确的认识，往往需要经过由物质到精神，由精神到物质，即由实践到认识，由认识到实践这样多次的反复，才能够完成。” 艾思奇 《辩证唯物主义历史唯物主义》第八章：“认识和照镜子、摄影有相类似的地方，但又有着根本的不同。”

往往，当我们提到“认识”某人，是指根对方有一定的交往，某个程度的了解，彼此记得对方的名字，稍有联络吧！不是一面之缘。

不然的话，譬如总统先生每逢公共假日，开放总统府时，迎来了全国人民，难道他也认识了全国人民吗？难道那些到总统府见过总统先生的，都认识他？最多，也只能說是会过面吧！

是的，曾经有幸与总统先生交谈过。那只能说是会过面吧！

你，我，我们

很久以前，其实，也不过是开始负责某部门后，开始比较注意到某些字或词的用法。后来，到了总部后，由于负责的是培训同僚的工作，就更加的小心用词。

很多人都喜欢在讲话时用“你”这个字。瞬息间，就把自己与对方之间竖立了一道墙。我就是我，你就是你。我们属于不同的等级，甚至 “世界”！天啊！“你”真了不起！

“我”呢？当然，就是很自我中心的。“我”亲力亲为，那时“我”的构思，“我”的点子。一丝一毫都是“我”的心血！当然，很多时候，将到“我”时，自己大多都会忘了他人的奉献，的付出。给予“独来独往”的印象。那，团体经神往哪儿去了？

至于“我们”，就了不起了。大伙的囤体经神。是一致的。

when I'm on Leave...

...

me: ah! Fingers have been busy the whole morning... being on leave is even busier! hahaha... yes... had lunch liao :D

friend: ...what? you take leave to do work at home? wasting leave right?

me: .... er? more productive... it's so autopilot... unless am out of home... it's raining outside... cool cool

friend: you very boring leh. down here hot like mad, where got rain?

...

That was the short conversation I had with a friend this morning (via GTalk)... oh yes... that's the reaction from most people - What? Take leave and work at home? Well, if on leave and not going out the house, what else will I do? Automatically, switch on my computer and start checking email, etc... hahaha... It's just like in the past when I taught in a nearby school... when school vacation came, where would I normally end up in? hahaha.... when I were not overseas, would probably ended up in my 2nd home... of course, one pull factor was distance!

Actually what's wrong when one enjoys work? and work has become part of his/her life? Hm... please don't label such people a workaholic! Well, this person does not necessary lead a boring life!

Immediately, that reminds me a segment I read in this book "TRIBES - we need you to lead us" by Seth Godin (recently). The subheading was "How Was Your Day?" (p100-101):

It was 4 a.m. and I can't sleep. So I'm sitting in the lobby of a hotel in Jamaica, checking my email.

A couple walks by, obviously on their way to bed, .... The woman looks over me and, in a harsh whisper a little quieter than a yell, says to her friend, "Isn't that sad? That guy comes here on vacation and he's stuck checking his email. He can't even enjoy his two weeks off."

I think the real question - the one they probably wouldn't want to answer - was, "Isn't it sad that we have a job where we spend 2 weeks avoiding the stuff we have to do 50 weeks a year?"

It took me a long time to figure out why I was so happy to be checking my email in the middle of the night. It had to do with passion. Other than sleeping, there was nothing I'd rather have been doing in that moment - because I'm lucky enough to have a job where I get to make change happen....

While I was typing up the above paragraphs, it was the 2nd time I read those paragraphs... and couldn't stop myself shaking my head yet smiling when I read "Isn't it sad that we have a job where we spend 2 weeks avoiding the stuff we have to do 50 weeks a year?" So, that's avoidance? That's escape? Hahaha....

But I like what the author says, "It had to do with passion". Yes... Passion is the word. Hm... maybe here, sometimes (or most of the time?) - Passion leads to Indulgence? When one is indulged in doing sometime, will boredom comes. Am I a boring person...maybe, maybe not... depends on what perspective one takes... :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While typing this post... the CD was playing (coincidently) "Follow Your Heart" by Mario Frangoulis... It goes like this...

• Every little tear you cry
• Leaves your heart so heavy
• Every time you hear goodbye
• You wonder will it ever end
• There's nothing I can tell you
• The world moves on and on
• But I still believe in love
• Follow your heart
• Wherever it takes you
• Nobody knows
• Where the wind blows
• No one can say
• Follow your dreams
• Wherever they find you
• Lost and alone, the light in the storm
• Will always be with you
• If you follow our heart
• When the world's a little crazy
• The truth's so hard to find
• But I still believe in love
• Follow your heart
• Wherever it takes you
• Nobody knows
• Where the wind blows
• No one can say
• Follow your dreams
• Wherever they find you
• Lovers and friends, they fade in the end
• But the love that's inside you
• Grows stronger inside you
• Will always be with you
• Follow your heart

Talking about "Deeps"

Many a time, we talk about doing something to deepen understanding, etc... Then when mp3 came in last year, heard about this Deep Learning... Then next thing was this January when we were in UK's study trip, we were hit by the 4 deeps, advocated to bring about another dimension of engagement of learners and stakeholders... of course, with an impact on how the school organises its resources and curriculum approach, too! Wah! Deep Learning, Deep Support, Deep Leadership and Deep Experience! Wah... chim chim chim....

In the recent meetings, keep hearing about this "Deep Learning" thing... quite certain the way our define is pretty different from what's described in the 4-Deeps framework... at least, in our local school's context...

Then, people talked about deep thinking... Oops! Is that just referring to thinking more deeply, being able to see the big picture and understand the inter-connectivity of various entities in the system... analysing the situation and knowing how to react and act accordingly?

Next, people went into something call deep discussion!!! Oops! How deep is deep when it comes to discussion? Wow! going into very detail and probing lots of things that were most of the time neglected (er... or hack care?)

So, everybody seem to get into this deeeeeeeeeeeep mode.... Oops! please don't get too excited over the deep deep thing!!! While we care to go deep, do remember to keep the big picture in mind too... not to be lost in the deeps (er... bottomless)...

双面。机会。

曾经，写过一篇关于人际关系，和人与人不同的处事方式所引起不愉快的经验。当然，要紧记的是，事事无绝对，不可用仅仅一次的经验来，来评价与衡量他人的态度，价值观。当然，不应因一个经验而一盖而论。那，对自己，对他人，也是不公平的。所以，一直都坚持，给予适当的机会，给“转机”一个机会吧！当然，也有人认为，只是“好人”的看法吧！可是，试想想，我们也希望他人用同样的看法来看待我们吧！

是的，至今，仍然牢牢地记住，once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, but thrice is a pattern的原则。相信3次，就够了吧！过了3 次才判“死刑”，也该是人之义尽了吧！

有时，听到某某人说，曾经与某某人合作过，种种不愉快的经验，所以对将来合作的可能性不高，即使合作，也未必是顺利的等等忠告。当然，非常感谢这些有用的忠告，可是，我们要以竹竿打翻整船人吗？还是用这忠告来提高警觉呢？